06 June, 2013

DuckTanic to visit India

(Pic courtesy : huffingtonpost.com via Google)
Excerpts from the (as yet) unpublished edition of The Quack Quack Daily
Following reports a couple of weeks back that DuckTanic had sunk in the waters of Victoria Harbour in HK, we were rather relieved to have been informed that DuckTanic had just been inflated back to good health.  We are pleased to announce that DuckTanic has been pronounced fit for travel and intends travelling to India next.
India is going to be a different experience for DuckTanic.  For one, he will need to apply for an entry visa.  Apparently, India is one of those countries which requires people of virtually all nationalities to acquire an entry visa before they land on Indian soil.  DuckTanic stated that a visit to get an entry visa is akin to an extended session of zumba.  Apparently, he had to trudge downstairs many times to get photocopies of various documents and ended up losing weight in the process.  
Once in India, DuckTanic will have a very hectic schedule.  At each stop, DuckTanic will be accorded a traditional welcome as per that particular State Government’s instructions.  
The Tamil Nadu government has entrusted DuckTanic’s welcome ceremony to BCCI Srinivasan.  He is apparently planning on welcoming DuckTanic with cricket bats made out of cement.   These bats are apparently made by a company called India Cements.
The Kerala government does not know which minister would be attending the welcome ceremony.  They had nominated P.J.Kurien but Mr. Kurien is otherwise occupied.  For one, he has been charged with rape in the Suryanelli gang rape case and right now, is away representing India at a conference about empowering women.
The Gujarat government had no choice in the matter because Narendra Modi just talked his way into the welcome committee.  He is scheduled to deliver one of his bombastic, crowd pulling speeches on ducks at the welcome ceremony.  Ducks, Mr.Modi claims, have started to have longer and better lives in his state over the past 7 years.  Ducks had started and now have flourishing businesses even, in Gujarat. 
Rahul Gandhi was supposed to have attended a welcome ceremony at New Delhi but is not quite sure what he is supposed to be doing there or whether he is supposed to be going or not.  He is still waiting for instructions from his mom, Sonia Gandhi.  Some news reports have suggested that Rahul Gandhi may not be able to meet DuckTanic because he has been asked to fall off something and have an accident like the one Imran Khan did, so that Rahul can atleast try and garner some sympathy by getting hurt.
Sonia Gandhi, in the meanwhile, is busy planning a new campaign for the UPA.  It has been named the “mere bete ka naam kya hai” (what is my son’s name) campaign.  With Rahul Gandhi still making up his mind (something that does not come easily to him) over the next PM election, Sonia Gandhi has decided that the country should atleast know her son and his name, in case he finally manages to decide to run for the PM elections.   It is reported that she has decided to change the name of the campaign.  No one knows why but the campaign is now being called “Mera Beta Hai Yeh - Dekho Aur Pehachaano” campaign. 
DuckTanic is also going to be experiencing a “silent welcome” in New Delhi.  This “silent welcome” is being extended to DuckTanic by none other than the Indian Prime Minister Dr. Manmohan Singh, who is an exemplary example of simply keeping quiet over everything and not doing anything. 
In Mumbai, DuckTanic will be meeting with members of the ShivSena who are going to insist that DuckTanic also insist that Mumbai ban lingerie clad mannequins. 
Bollywood has elected Farah Khan and Sajid Khan as members of the Bollywood Welcome Committee to welcome DuckTanic.  This brother sister duo are expected to pull in a large crowd in welcoming DuckTanic because the invitees have all been emailed.  The email states that any person not turning up for the function will be forced to watch Himmatwala.  Fear at having to watch Himmatwala has been gripping people and there are reports that people have been trying to buy tickets for DuckTanic's welcome ceremony in the black market at horrendous prices, just to avoid watching Himmatwala. 
The Sports Committee in India has nominated Sachin Tendulkar to receive DuckTanic on behalf of the Indian Sports World (also known as Indian Cricket World).  Sachin is not quite sure he will be able to attend because he is due to attend a party at Mukesh Ambani’s residence.  Apparently this has nothing to do with the Mumbai Indians winning the IPL 6.  This party is being hosted by the Ambanis to celebrate the fact that many of the people who have wanted to see Sachin Tendulkar retire from cricket, have quit their jobs or have been diagnosed with depression.  Apparently, telling Sachin time and again that it is time for him to step down and make way for other talented youngsters has proved very tiring and Sachin not retiring has proved very depressing.
All in all, DuckTanic is expected to have an extremely eventful trip to India.  After his trip to India, DuckTanic will be visiting North Korea.  We, at The Quack Quack Daily, don’t know why he’s visiting North Korea.  DuckTanic himself doesn’t know why he is visiting North Korea. 
Apparently the Indian Authorities have “fixed” it.

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