15 May, 2013

DuckTanic sinks in HongKong

(Pic courtesy : guardian.co.uk via Google)
Excerpt from the Quack Quack Daily
“It is with profound sadness and regret that we announce the passing away of one of our brethren – DuckTanic.  DuckTanic met his end on the 15th of May 2013 in the waters of the Victoria Harbour in HongKong.  We hope he takes a lot of fond memories with him, having travelled through many countries".
Our reporters however, have been given to understand that DuckTanic’s last few days were quite traumatic.  During a conversation with one of our reporters Dilly Duck, DuckTanic is reported to have said that he was finding it quite difficult to breathe.  The choking sensation has stayed with him ever since he floated into HongKong.  DuckTanic had known about the rising air pollution levels in HongKong but he decided to take the risk and spread his message of peace by making HongKong one of his stops.  Though many of the ads on TV and the newspapers in Duckyland purported and presented a rather beautiful picture of HongKong,   DuckTanic, choked and gagged his way through his last few days.   Not unlike his ancestor, the Titanic, his body too sprung a leak, not because of an iceberg, but because of the polluted waters in HK’s Victoria Harbour.  Industrial waste has never been good for ducks' health.  Seriously makes us, in Duckyland, worry about the health of people in HK.
The government of Duckyland has taken up the issue with the HK government.  We have not been able to contact the Chief Executive of HK because he is apparently busy building secret rooms in his house.  We also tried to contact Mr.Jasper Tsang, the current President of the Legislative Council in HK but could not get in touch with him during the day or the night.  Mr.Tsang is apparently busy trying to just garner enough LEGCO members to meet the quorum requirements of the LEGCO.  In fact, Mr.Tsang had requested that DuckTanic make his presence felt in LEGCO because he would then have taken up many of the seats in the LEGCO and meetings could have gone as planned.  Mr. Tsang also felt that it would have been safer to have DuckTanic attending the LEGCO meetings instead of the elected Councillors because DuckTanic would not end up throwing bananas at the CE.
Our reporters managed to have a quick word with Mrs. Anson Chan who opined that given a choice, she would have fought to give DuckTanic a right to vote in the next CE elections, given the fact that the only thing on her mind right now is universal suffrage.  “We are even willing to give the citizens of Duckyland a vote” said Mrs. Chan yesterday.
Ms.Regina Yip could not be contacted as she was busy getting a few wig fitted.
Mr.Alan Leung of the Civic Party was his usual self righteous, constipated self as he unilaterally blamed the Government of HK for the untimely demise of DuckTanic.  Our reporters however, thought it fit not to take Mr.Leong seriously because Mr.Leong’s immediate knee jerk reaction to just about everything is to place the blame on the government of HK.  Ms.Audrey Eu, also of the Civic Party, was not available for comment as she apparently had a very important meeting with her hair stylist at a beauty salon.
Mr. Albert Ho brushed aside our requests for a phone interview because he is apparently busy trying to Occupy Central.  For a person with as bloated an ego as Mr.Ho, occupying a small place like the Central District should not be a problem at all, opined Dally Duck, our Chief Reporter.
We tried to approach Mr.Fernando Cheung, the Vice-Chairman of the Labour Party since we thought the Labour Party would be the kind that actually listens to the voice of the people in HK.  Apparently not because Mr.Cheung is busy nosing around the earthquake hit regions of Sichuan Province trying to find out if money has been hidden inside any of the newly constructed buildings there. 
Many of the other legislators we tried to contact were not available for comment as they were way too busy planning the next filibuster.
Mr.Leung Kwok Hung was too busy to talk to us since he was expected to spend more than an hour in the bathroom shampooing and conditioning his long tresses.  We quite admire those tresses, for they can give Rapunzel a run for her money any day.  Dally Duck thinks Leung Kwok Hung should seriously consider changing his name to Rapunzel as this would help him garner more votes from the people of HK who, given the choice, would vote for just about any cartoon character rather than a human being.
There are numerous other conspiracy theories floating around, say our reporters.  They have heard whispers that suggest that DuckTanic could have been brought down by the hordes of tourists from the Mainland who thought DuckTanic was like the Bun Festival in Cheung Chau.  Whoever got to the top first, won.  It is said that the mad rush in wanting to clamber to the top brought about the downfall of our dear DuckTanic.  Some others believe that DuckTanic died because of the amount of rubbish that was stuffed up his nostrils and his bill by the mainland tourists, for whom anything and everything is a huge rubbish bin.
Another conspiracy theory suggests that it was the Japanese that were responsible for bringing down the DuckTanic in HK waters because of the ongoing dispute over the Diaoyu Islands while some others believe that it was the Philippines that was responsible as they sought to take revenge over the way people in HK reacted after the tourists were shot down in a bus in the Philippines.  Some reports suggest that DuckTanic died when he went into a hyperventilation mode triggered by the constant exposure to loud sounds emanating from all corners of HK over the weekend.  The language is said to have sounded more like loud staccato noises that one associates with a constant assault on the senses with an assault rifle of high calibre and high speed.  The language was later identified as Tagalog.
As things stand right now, we have not been able to get in touch with anybody in HK who can give us some answers to our questions.  Makes us in Duckland seriously wonder who the common man in HK takes his problems to. 
The only people who said they genuinely felt sorry for DuckTanic and his untimely demise were a whole lot of grandmas and grandpas we spoke to.  They had time to speak to us because they were all patiently waiting in a line to collect newspapers in the early hours of the morning as they needed the discount coupons in the newspapers. 
They were the only ones that had the time to say “Rest in peace, DuckTanic”. 
Amen to that !! Quack Quack !! 

1 voice(s) said so:

Hip Grandma said...

Hey gouri,
Caught up with a number of your posts. The nalangu post was hilarious! Keep them coming.