28 November, 2008

Why ?

It has been two days now. Two days since this whole carnage began. And as I watched the news on TV yesterday evening and listened to the news on the radio this morning, I realized that the feeling that had manifested itself was one of total numbness.

Numbness at the sight of pictures of hotels still burning

Numbness at the sight of blood and gore

Numbness at the sight of people and children alike injured and crying

Numbness at the heartrending sight of people wailing

Numbness at the terror that hangs in the air

Numbness at the smoke and the cries that shroud the air

Numbness at the sheer audacity and brazenness with which these attacks have been conducted

The list is endless ………… but the feeling, if at all I can call it one, is that of total numbness.

I can’t bear to watch the carnage, the bloodbath on the news reports, the news on TV – something inside me says “put the damn thing off”. I cannot bear to listen to the news – something inside me says “put the damn thing off” ……..

........... fact remains that I can’t.

The city that was my home for the first twenty four years of my life, a city that has quite literally moulded my spirit, a city that I still carry within my heart of hearts, a city that is even today so dear to me despite having lived abroad for more than a decade, a city with so much spirit that it fills me with pride to say “I am a Mumbaikar” ………. that very city lies torn to shreds, bleeding, in tatters.

Nothing makes sense … nothing.

Called family members yesterday and they’re all safe. Yet nothing …….. absolutely nothing feels right.

Having seen the carnage caused by the bomb blasts in 1993, those very images play across the mindscreen – bodies being carted by the truckloads, a missing arm here, a missing leg there, the whole city stunned into silence …. silence broken by high pitched wails of pain and terror, of loved ones lost ….. and the mind asks the same question now as it had fifteen years back “To what end ?” “Why ?” “When will all this mindless bloodshed end ?” “Will it ever end ?”.

The politicians will be back in full force in a couple of days time – crooning and chests swelling with pride as they say “The spirit of Bombay could not be broken. Bombay is back on its feet and how ?!!”.

Well – ask people who have lost their spouses, ask the children who have lost their parents, ask the elderly parents who have lost their children, ask people who have been maimed for life, ask people who have been rendered handicapped – all to such senseless violence – ask them if they could pick up the pieces of their lives and come to terms with what happened. Ask those people whether they could hold onto something as intangible as “faith” in the aftermath of such a carnage. It would indeed be extremely difficult, if not impossible.

And where are those politicians now – who, a few weeks/months back were shouting themselves hoarse from the rooftops about how Mumbai is “their city” ? Where are they ?

The heart bleeds and even as picture after picture of the aftermath of such meaningless massacre flood the senses, the eyes refuse to get wet, the tears refuse to flow. All I feel right now is a numbness that is pervading the senses.

The question that keeps a resounding beat inside my head and my heart is “Why, Why Why"

Why ?

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4 voice(s) said so:

dipali said...

It is so tragic, senseless and painful, Gauri. There seems no answerto the 'why?'

WhatsInAName said...

Its sickening! All I can say is May the soul of the terrorists and the mastrminds ROT IN HELL!

mummyjaan said...

I know - same here: why? It's senseless, sickening and terrible, and it just seems to go on and on. Just as you think you've recovered from the last blast, boom! another one. Something needs to be done to end this.

Keshi said...

SENSLESS is the only word that describes it. No one deserves to die that way. Its all very very sad! I hv no more words to express my grief.