30 July, 2008

Take a sentimental trip to a land called BF .....

Nury Vittachi has a regular column called "Dissident's Diary" in The Hongkong Standard. This piece appeared in the very same column of the HK Standard on 28th of July 2008.

Take a sentimental trip to a tranquil land called BF

by Nuri Vittachi

Monday, July 28, 2008

You know the terms BC and AD?

I would like to propose that new terms are introduced for a similarly dramatic historical event - but which only applies to people who have had children:

BF and AF: Before Family and After Family.

Somewhere in my personal journey, I acquired a spouse and some children, and everything changed: my habits, my values, my way of life, and - most dramatic of all - the acreage of bags under my eyes.

Before Family: A lie-in is when you stay in bed until noon.
After Family: A lie-in is when you stay in bed until 7am.

Before Family: A "short-break getaway" is a long weekend in a sun-soaked Thai resort.
After Family: A "short-break getaway" is five minutes in the only toilet in the apartment with a still-working lock.

Before Family: Gastronomic ecstasy means sampling recipes in the new Nigella Lawson cookbook.
After Family: Gastronomic ecstasy is when you manage to persuade a child to consume a piece of broccoli.

Before Family: The perfect floor covering is hardwood maple planking in a satin-wax finish.
After Family: The perfect floor covering is pink and blue squares of textured rubber.

Before Family: The ideal wardrobe is a range of elegant black outfits from Armani or Zara.
After Family: The ideal wardrobe is a range of factory outlet rejects that you can throw away after they acquire too many vomit stains.

Before Family: The pinnacle of cinematic entertainment is Blade Runner: The Director's Cut.
After Family: The pinnacle of cinematic entertainment is The Lion King, which actually moves you to tears.

Before Family: The best summer vacation destination is an unspoiled tract of coastal wilderness far from civilization.
After Family: The best destination is anywhere which has sterilized water, French fries and Pampers, oh, and a McDonald's and a Starbucks, and - blow it, let's just stay at home.

Before Family: You thought you needed space, time and peace to work.
After Family: You discover you can type perfectly well with one child on your lap, another wrapped around your leg, and the third watching Barney videos at full volume 1 meter away.

Before Family: You thought the finest furniture was Philippe Starck designs in minimalist industrial chrome and leather.
After Family: You know the finest furniture is a big ugly sofa that can absorb orange juice, urine and milk, and double as a scratching board for the cat.

Before Family: Your dream car would be a hand-built Morgan Aero 8 convertible.
After Family: You realize your dream car is a secondhand Toyota Previa with washable plastic seats.

Before Family: You thought the soundtrack of your life would be dreamy, experimental pop from an indie band like The High Llamas.
After Family: You realize that the soundtrack of your life is High School Musical 50 times a day

Before Family: You thought recyclable and reusable packaging was the unshakable wave of the future.
After Family: You wonder how anyone could survive without bulk purchases of disposable 250ml Tetra Pak fruit juice boxes.

When you consider all the changes to your lifestyle, it's hard to avoid thinking that acquiring a family is seriously bad news.

But the most interesting thing is that the people who have been through this are adamant about one thing - we would not have it any other way.

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4 voice(s) said so:

Mama - Mia said...

true true! :)

i keep telling people, before you have kids you wonder what the big deal is! but when you have one you know its indeed a BIG deal!

and its so worth it! :)



rayshma said...

seriously.. this one made me realize that i should make the most of our current stage while i still can! :)

Pavi!!!! said...

Hahaha! n this is wat almsot everyone who are mommies n daddies say....

I'll just njoy life n wait before i figure it out:)

Priyanka said...

Hilarious !!! Loved this post !!! :)